Open Mind

view and handle things with open mind
but what is the definition and criteria of being open mind?

Recently I started to participate the activities held by Koinonia
Every time I told people this news
they will ask me "Are you turn to believe Jesus???!!!"
I will answer "Not yet, I just attned the activities."
Actually, there is no "turn to believe Jesus" at all
since I do not have any religion at all
I respect different religions, but I do not have one

My dad told me "well, it's okay with me if you want to believe Christianity"
My mom ask me with shock "you join the Koinonia, are you kidding me?!"
but the purpose of the whole conversation is that I want to tell them I attend their activities
just participate!!!!
I even did not say that I change my belief!!!!
but somehow they took it as granted
they thought people who participate in that kind of organization means they belive in God........


I have asked my self "do you want to believe in God?"
I have tried to believe
tried to agreed with what they told me
but I just can not totally 100% being conviced......
I do think their view of points are interesting and profound
I do want to befriend with them
but I still not sure whether I want to believe in God or not

Tired of.....

tired of this kind of discussion every time I go home
tired of being questioning what I want to do in the future
tired of being questioning why don't I being an English teacher
tired of being questioning why I have no boyfriend
tired of being suspecting that I am a lesbian only because I do not have a boyfriend
tired of being implying that why I do not live according to their expectation

Is there has something wrong for me to be an independent, single, and self-controlled female?
Does being single mean you are gay or lesbian?
What the fugging prejudice/ stereotype is that!
Do I have to be an English teacher and have a boyfriend so that I can fit into your "ideal daughter" fantancy?

I remembered that my tears falling down as I read "The Dead Poets Society", because I trully understand how Neil felt and thought.
I kind of understand why he chose to commit suicide at the end.
It makes me ponder a question: would I make the same decision if I face the same/familiar situation like Neil?
Did he has other choices?
It was the story happened in 1950s when children were taught to obey their parents and live out the life that their parents set up for them.
It is 2010 now, and we are taught to seize the day and live out our lives.
But everything they told us is just 'words' instead of 'action'.
How many people really lives differently comparing to Neil in 1950s?
There was Keating in 1950s who taught Neil and other student the meaning (and maybe method) of live out oneself
But Mr. Keating did not expect the result like this, right?
Who do we have in 2010?
Words always louder than action.